look no pants
he was CRYING into my vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
