I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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