Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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