Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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