I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
