So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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