the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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