champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
