Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MIDGETS
????
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
