I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
