Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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