what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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