I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
