If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't trust your balls anymore.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
