All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
