Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
