Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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