i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
