I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
