there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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