I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
