Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
