She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
