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I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
