Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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