I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
