New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
