apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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