im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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