Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
third nipple confirmed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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