I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
