im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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