Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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