Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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