we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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