Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why didn't you poke me back
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
