there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
