Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
