i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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