Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
