Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
