Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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