Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
