I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
