I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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