3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
