i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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