I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
