the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
