Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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