at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
