the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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