If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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