So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The uberlube is also flammable
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
