So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
