Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
