all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
