He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
