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I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
