I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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