If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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