dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im holly from the hills drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
