Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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