Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
