i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
