Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
