He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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