Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
