i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
