i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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