so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
