You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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